Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Toilet Bowls, Tears and Thoughts on a Wall

Wall art in Sarah's room
Three weeks ago today, we packed up our van and started on our trek to Nashville, TN, where our daughter, Sarah, is attending college.  My mom came to our house to stay with the boys while we were in TN with Sarah, so on top of packing, I felt the need to do a bit more cleaning before we left. I was cleaning the toilet in the kids' bathroom and tears started pouring out (no exaggeration!) as I realized that I didn't even know if Sarah knew how to clean a bathroom.  I had eighteen years to accomplish this and failed. I have never been good at making the kids clean the bathroom, or kitchen, or anywhere, if I'm going to be completely honest.  

Always finding the positive side of things, Sarah assured me she knew how to clean a bathroom, and then told me that I may not have taught much about cleaning, but I taught her how to love, how to be herself, and how to have fun. I'm not sure about the fun part (I tend to take life way too seriously), but if she says so, I'll receive it. Surely, those things are more important than cleaning toilets!  

Finding her identity in Christ
As a mom, my deepest desires are that my children would know they are loved completely and that they would walk in the truths of God's Word.  In fact, for Sarah's birthday, which we celebrated shortly before she left for college, we gave her a necklace with charms that had "loved completely" engraved on them.  Hopefully, this will serve as a reminder of both our love for her and the love our heavenly Father has for her.  

In that moment of not feeling like I've been enough, done enough, taught enough...the Holy Spirit reminded me that by myself, I am not enough, but He is enough and together we are enough. And more importantly, that He will be enough for her also. And for those things that I maybe didn't teach or do so well at, I'm choosing to trust the Spirit to fill in the gaps.  For now, I rest in knowing love trumps all.  I smile when I see her embracing who God created her to be.  My heart is full when I see her passion for the lonely, the lost, and the outcast.  I find peace knowing she finds her strength in our Savior.  And I know without a doubt that she will make a difference in the world around her.

 How to get through the day
Tears still flow easily these days, but after spending some time in Sarah's room, I know she's going to be just fine.  Her walls tell much about what she has learned in life.  In fact, I plan on hanging out in there more looks like there's much she can teach me.






  1. Very heartfelt. I know that you are hurting, but God will see you through.

  2. Oh the things a momma's heart endures. But you're right, He's right there with us in the midst of it all.

  3. It was so great to read this and go on this journey with you by way of your blog post. I had to think back to the many times my mother was concerned that she never taught me how to cook. Funny thing is, I do it a lot and it's because of her example that I even cook up a storm for my husband when I go away so he has good food to eat. You taught her more than you realize....just by your own example. Yep - it took me a while to learn to cook on my own, but it all turned out fine and Sarah will be just fine. Thanks for sharing your heart!